Life isn’t gliding on the water’s surface while paddle-boarding. No, it’s a series of falling into the water, fighting desperately to climb back on board, just to fall off again. But also knowing the journey is worth it. Believing that is what keeps me going. The will to live is something fundamental to survival. And my will has never been stronger. Every day brings new battles to fight. Win some. Lose most. Win the ultimate war of your life by being better than you were the previous day. It’s going to be exhausting. It’s going to break you. But take the time to sit back. Reflect. Learn from mistakes made. You’ll finally greet the person you were meant to become. The brightest, most vibrant version of yourself. Maybe you’ll even look in that mirror and say, “Hey, I like you.” This is the story of how I fell. How I lost myself. But also how I got back on my paddle-board of life, and how I discovered the true me.

While I haven’t gotten to the point of being able to look in the mirror and say “I like you,” I’ve come a long way on my journey to recovery in the past few years. I’ve always struggled with eating, especially with variety of foods. Trying new things is a scary process for me, and I have to take it one baby step at a time, focusing on the 1% changes.

I’m a proud autistic ADHD woman, with lived experience of eating disorders and substance use disorder. I’m also a poet and an aspiring novelist. Hopefully someday I will actually be able to finish a book.